Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
