hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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