So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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