So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
