thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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