Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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