Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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