you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
