there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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