his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
