I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
