As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
