i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
