..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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