I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
