I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
