I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize