But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
