You just made me feel so damn special
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize