Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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