I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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