Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
