i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
