Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
