Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
