So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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