i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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