i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
