I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize