awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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