i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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