oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
