glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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