Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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