Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
