Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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