Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
