from now on my penis is your penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how drunk are you?
Several
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
