Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
