he puts the penis in happiness.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So squirting runs in the family.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
