someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
