I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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