I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
