She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
