Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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