Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
