i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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