I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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