I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
