i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
