What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
