just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
