Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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