one two three fourrrrnication!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize