Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
