Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
