I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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