I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
