You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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