franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
