We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
