Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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