you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize