Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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