Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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