Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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