It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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