i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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