I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
