How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
