If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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