He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
