you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
