Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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