Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
