Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
