My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
