census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
