ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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