My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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