i may or may not be watching the land before time
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
