Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
