you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
