I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
