Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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