it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
