Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
