as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize