I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
