She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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