Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
