RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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