Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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