he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize