Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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