Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
